Shrouded by faceless compatriots

So it's been quite awhile since I've last stepped into the shoes of my belovedly feisty dwarf priest or my quirky but deadly gnome warlock. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just sit tight.

I never understood why people liked to put down other people over something as minor as internet gaming. And I have yet to draw a logical conclusion as to why some people make a distinction between console gaming and PC gaming, targeting PC gaming as something inherently unacceptable. Some people look down on this hobby seated on lofty pedestals while expending hours playing Halo or some other equally mindlessly violent console game. And then there are people who pass judgment without ever even trying to grasp or understand the experience that is loved by millions of their peers.

It's so easy for people to focus only on the negative aspects. And it's true; I will be the first to admit the dark side of this hobby and industry. In 2001, a man left his infant son to cry to himself in a closet while he played Everquest, and after a 24+ hour session in front of his computer, he discovered his son's corpse. A 13 year-old boy in China lept to his death as a supposed result of his addiction. And nevermind the countless students around the world that have failed classes or dropped out of school/university because of their time management.

Recently, there was a Virginia Tech suicide that people are linking to his World of Warcraft addiction.

But the percentage of players who fall into these categories probably wouldn't fill more than 1% of the entire population, and I'd bet money on that. And besides, where would you place the blame? Do you blame the product, the producer, or the consumer? So many people are quick to blame the product and the producer, and this fact transcends markets.

People place blame for obesity on McDonald's, but don't recognize the fact that they hop into a car to travel the 3 blocks it takes to get there. Why not walk off some of the calories that you're going to consume?

People blame cigarettes and Big Tobacco for health issues, and seem to invest nearly incontrovertible effectiveness in the power of cigarette marketing. It's as if we don't know any better and can always be easily swayed by neon lights and beautiful people.

People blame guns for the deaths that result from them, thinking that if they're outlawed, the amount of gun fatalities will magically decrease. Well, illicit drugs are illegal, have we seen a drop in deaths from them?

It's time to place accountability on the individual. People need to take responsibility for themselves and their children. And everyone else needs to recognize this. If your child is spending 8 hours a night in front of the computer, put your damn foot down and stop it instead of blaming Vivendi for internet nicotine. If you have to choose between studying for that chemistry final or joining your buddies on a raid-and-pillage, opt out for the textbooks. And if you see a loved one losing themselves in such a game, recognize the fact that helping them and removing the game are two completely different things.

Life has rolled on, and my obligations elsewhere have built up to the point where I can no longer devote a couple hours every day to relax with my WoW social network. If I had the time to spare, would I go back? I think I would. That's the thing that most people have a hard time understanding, I think. It is a real, tangible social network that you build in games like these.

Look back to the Virginia Tech kid that shot himself. His internet network were the only ones who knew something was wrong, and they gave enough of a damn to try and intervene. They were the outlet of his cry for help.

Back in high school, when I was a subscriber to Everquest, I spent every night with a group of no less than 60 people from around the world. And I knew each and every one of them personally. There was Raoul from Stockholm, a college student who liked to rant about tourists and talk about his dreams of moving to South Africa. There was Jody and Harold, a married couple from Minneapolis that got pulled into the game because of their son, Mark, and they decided it was a healthy form of family bonding. There was Pattie from New Zealand, who got up early every morning just to go on adventures with us, and imparted her love of cooking to me. She was a pastry chef. And the list goes on.

My experience with World of Warcraft was nearly identical. Ryan and Reagan are two high school sweethearts that moved to Houston for college, crazy kids who still insist that I come visit so they can buy me that long-awaited beer. There's Tim, Don, and Sarah, three thirtysomethings from New England who meet up every month to go barhopping in NYC and yell at the college kids. Over the course of a year they've expanded to include Sarah's husband and Tim's brother and wife, all of whom have started playing. They always tell me that if I lived closer, they'd drag me along with them. They don't seem to mind that I'm the same age as the kids they enjoy heckling. And then there's Paul and Lena, a married couple right here in Atlanta that live in Decatur. Paul's an architect, and Lena's a homemaker for their two infant children. Ironically, both are staunch defenders of the gamer lifestyle, but readily admit that they'll drop the game as soon as their children are old enough to require more attention. That is, until their kids head off to college. And of course, the list goes on.

And I'm still in touch with the majority of both groups.

Is it a substitute for the real world? No, and I'll never think so. But there's real value there.

In a lot of ways, it's similar to why I'm still with AIESEC. You come together with people from around the world and establish a wordless rapport based on common ground. With AIESEC, it's a desire to develop ourselves and improve the world. With MMO's, it's wanderlust and curiosity for an internet dreamscape. And with the advent of software like Skype and Ventrilo, those personal relationships are much easier to build.

I feel like I've digressed. Suffice it to say, it's an experience and feeling that is hard to describe. And it doesn't always induce negative responses like those portrayed in the media and pop culture.

Climbing up shadows

"You're crying. But you endanger nothing in yourself. It's like the idea of crying when you do it."


I'm getting a head start on my resolutions for this upcoming year.

In previous years I had always reasoned that doing such things meant you were on the losing side of the existential battle between who you were and who you thought you couldn't be. The stigma associated with these self-made promises is the inevitability of defeat. You always hear people talking about their grandiose plans to succeed each January, and then later on, the topic of conversation becomes how they managed to fail yet again. The whole thing becomes a joke.

But I've decided otherwise, this time. Like all things popular and commercialized, the true meaning of the action lies in its owner, not the fancy clothes that it wears. Those who only understand the consumerist version of the winter holidays should have no bearing on those who regard it as the epitome of reflection, charity, and humility.

The sad thing is that of all the people I know, I think I lack self-control the most. Looking back through my spotty and sharply receding long term memory, I can't seem to pinpoint any specific occurrence which may have contributed to this. But I know they exist. In my mind they're as conspicuous as that last tequila shot you downed that previous night. You might not be able to recall sucking on that final lime wedge, but you know it happened.

So what does this mean for me? I'm going to be taking this whole thing as an exercise in discipline. Before long, I will have become "the Man". I won't be able to hide behind the labels of "child" or "student" anymore, and the full weight of responsibility will be on my shoulders. A younger, more cynical version of me might have waved all of this off as trifling and overdue. But for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of urgency that always seems to precede the irrational panic of maturity. If I don't do this now, I'll be stuck here forever.

So, resolution #1: No more red meat. More greens. Also, limited salt and fat intake.

No, I'm not going on a diet. But in the spirit of health and preserving youth, this probably isn't a bad idea.

Plot the course

So I'm trying something new this time. Usually when I write these I somehow lose focus or interest before finishing and I invariably wind up either going through my entire list of bookmarks or flipping on the TV. With that in mind, I've literally hidden both my mouse and remote control on the other side of the room. Maybe I'll get more than a few lines down this time.

It's been several weeks since Morocco now. I'm a bit ambivalent about finally writing this so late after-the-fact. Other things have arisen which have clouded my memory of that wondrous event. But then again, I imagine that the really important things, the truly memorable things... they would have survived the gauntlet of short term memory.

So where to begin? Perhaps with the beginning. But to make things interesting, I'll lump in the ending too. The flights were relatively uneventful, for the most part. Security was what I pretty much expected it to be too. All three of us got pulled aside in Atlanta for a thorough check, but it was pretty routine and I'm convinced it was legitimately random. Emily got to give an elevator speech about AIESEC to her security officer and I actually found out that my guy has a girlfriend in AIESEC in South Africa. At least that's what I think... he might've thought I said something else. But meh, it doesn't matter. Paris security was pretty relaxed. I felt bad for the woman in front of us at one point though. She had gotten duty-free alcohol at some point and hadn't had a chance to stash it in her checked luggage... and they made her ditch it at the international flight security check point in CDG airport. It was pretty ridiculous, but I guess there's no way around it. I thought it would've been awesome to just pop it open right there in the security line and start a Nordic circle with everyone there, minus the chant at the end of course. I told her in passing to open the bottle, take a swig, and pass it back in the line. The other Americans in the line grinned at me, so I guess it wasn't just me that had the idea. Security back into the States was a nightmare though. The safety color code thing was at orange or whatever for Atlanta, D.C., and Cincinnatti, so we had to wait in a million more lines and jump through a million more hoops. At one point in Paris they even ran background checks on us. It was all a blur though, I spent the first 60% of the trip home hung over and sleeping it all off. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm going to jump to somewhere in the middle now. This was the third night of the conference, and the OC had set up a party on the beach. The prep for this night was the epitome of ridiculous if there ever was one, because they were worried about outsiders showing up to the event. More security issues, right? So anyway, they had us line up by country delegation like they make you do in elementary school. Then the OC, Facis, and Moroccan delegation linked hands and formed a human circle around us. I shit you not. Then this human circle led us like a herd of sheep the quarter mile down to the beach. The point was that anyone not inside the human circle didn't belong at the event, which I guess sounded good in theory. However, the problem... was that the circle moved at different speeds at different spots. Remember, this circle had to encapsulate at least 200 people, so it was rather large. Eventually the circle started to break in certain places, leading to people having to join the circle to patch up the tears. I myself got sucked into it. But eventually it just completely dissolved, but we were within steps from the sand already anyway. And then there it was... the Moroccan beach. They really went all-out for it. There was a bonfire and the dance floor thing was set up on the sand with (apparently) a famous DJ there to spin for us. I looked up at the moon... and it was truly spectacular.

I couldn't help but be amazed that I had actually traveled further than the horizon I had seen countless times back on those beaches in Florida. And of course, it was AIESEC that brought me there. I'd gone to so many new places and done so many new things since my Florida years, but this felt like the capstone achievement of that part of my life. For some reason, somehow, being there on the beach at midnight at the other side of the ocean gave me some closure that I hadn't realized I had been lacking. Even now, I can't describe exactly what that closure entailed. The realization that I was beginning a new chapter in life felt surreal. There was a sense of anxiety but also a sense of calm. It was distressing to be confronted with "what-ifs" once again, but there was subtle comfort in knowing that things had worked themselves out without me even being aware of it. I was once again left with the questions of "What do I do now?" and "Where do I go from here?" But this time... it felt like a challenge.

So yeah. I didn't exactly share this magic moment with the rest of the delegation. It was kind of cheating, because in reality, it had very little to do with the general sentiment of the MENA region. But in all honesty, no one has an attention span long enough for all of that. Not during plenary... hah.

After the conference, we spent the night in Mohammedia with friends of Emily's family. Great people, true testiments to hospitality. It was a little awkward though, because I'm always left feeling guilty when my hosts treat me as well as I had been treated. Not to mention the strange hygiene products they had in their bathroom. One was apparently Chinese, but had been badly translated into English. One of the words used was "horniness". It was shampoo.

Afterwards, we took the train to Rabat and got completely screwed with the ferry to Spain. There was no way we would be able to make it to the city we needed to be at. So we ended up shelling out all this extra money in order to fly from Casablanca to Barcelona. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We spent a great day in Rabat just walking around with Rachid and some other Moroccans and a couple token Tunisians. Too much happened there for me to talk about. I bought a silver ring though! It has one of those rotating centers. Apparently Maddie got the exact same one. Great minds think alike, eh?

Crisis averted, we made it into Spain. However, it would cost us even more money and more time to get from Barcelona to Valencia. We had originally planned to spend a full day with Preston. But as it turns out, we spent that whole day in transit: Rabat to Casablanca, Casablanca to Barcelona, Barcelona to Valencia. When we finally arrived, we had a mere six hours before we had to be at the airport to return home. And to top it off, poor Emily had her backpack stolen in the Barcelona train station. Preston found us, though, and good times (and donner kabob) were had. We went to this bar where I apparently drank a few too many cocktails and made a complete fool of myself.

I realize my anecdotes are getting more and more vague and curt. Blame it on the attention span.

Let's see. What's left for me to ramble about... ah yes, that's right... nothing. Well I'm sure there's something, but therein lies the flaw with spending too much time on the most significant thing. Invariably you end up forgetting about everything else. At least that's what happens with me.

Maybe I'll be able to write more about this later.