Lucent truth and Crippling ambiguity

Heading off into the horizon of my life without a map or compass. A curse, a blessing? Who knows? We'll see. Bring it on.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Survive the foretold aftermath

The odds begin to look even worse.

Right now the only thing that affirms my belief that this war won't happen is the fact that it's an election year. To declare another wholly unnecessary and unjustified (at least to the American people) war would be the GOP shooting itself in the proverbial Republican foot. Or maybe this would be part of a calculated strategy, engineered as a truly divisive campaign topic, as a method of skirting the important domestic issues at hand, and as a method of exploiting fear for votes on November 2nd.

Either way, I pray for the youth of Iran and for development of the world that a brave American soul receives one of the expansion posts in Iran.

My dreams of a traineeship in the United Arab Emirates are looking more daunting and more tantalizing by the minute.

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Friday, April 27, 2007

Some subtle memory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuJP9sC9bxQ

Every time I hear this I think of Morocco and all of its crazy shenanigans...

This one's dedicated to the MENA region, Rabat, and especially Rachid and his car.

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Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Plot the course

So I'm trying something new this time. Usually when I write these I somehow lose focus or interest before finishing and I invariably wind up either going through my entire list of bookmarks or flipping on the TV. With that in mind, I've literally hidden both my mouse and remote control on the other side of the room. Maybe I'll get more than a few lines down this time.

It's been several weeks since Morocco now. I'm a bit ambivalent about finally writing this so late after-the-fact. Other things have arisen which have clouded my memory of that wondrous event. But then again, I imagine that the really important things, the truly memorable things... they would have survived the gauntlet of short term memory.

So where to begin? Perhaps with the beginning. But to make things interesting, I'll lump in the ending too. The flights were relatively uneventful, for the most part. Security was what I pretty much expected it to be too. All three of us got pulled aside in Atlanta for a thorough check, but it was pretty routine and I'm convinced it was legitimately random. Emily got to give an elevator speech about AIESEC to her security officer and I actually found out that my guy has a girlfriend in AIESEC in South Africa. At least that's what I think... he might've thought I said something else. But meh, it doesn't matter. Paris security was pretty relaxed. I felt bad for the woman in front of us at one point though. She had gotten duty-free alcohol at some point and hadn't had a chance to stash it in her checked luggage... and they made her ditch it at the international flight security check point in CDG airport. It was pretty ridiculous, but I guess there's no way around it. I thought it would've been awesome to just pop it open right there in the security line and start a Nordic circle with everyone there, minus the chant at the end of course. I told her in passing to open the bottle, take a swig, and pass it back in the line. The other Americans in the line grinned at me, so I guess it wasn't just me that had the idea. Security back into the States was a nightmare though. The safety color code thing was at orange or whatever for Atlanta, D.C., and Cincinnatti, so we had to wait in a million more lines and jump through a million more hoops. At one point in Paris they even ran background checks on us. It was all a blur though, I spent the first 60% of the trip home hung over and sleeping it all off. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm going to jump to somewhere in the middle now. This was the third night of the conference, and the OC had set up a party on the beach. The prep for this night was the epitome of ridiculous if there ever was one, because they were worried about outsiders showing up to the event. More security issues, right? So anyway, they had us line up by country delegation like they make you do in elementary school. Then the OC, Facis, and Moroccan delegation linked hands and formed a human circle around us. I shit you not. Then this human circle led us like a herd of sheep the quarter mile down to the beach. The point was that anyone not inside the human circle didn't belong at the event, which I guess sounded good in theory. However, the problem... was that the circle moved at different speeds at different spots. Remember, this circle had to encapsulate at least 200 people, so it was rather large. Eventually the circle started to break in certain places, leading to people having to join the circle to patch up the tears. I myself got sucked into it. But eventually it just completely dissolved, but we were within steps from the sand already anyway. And then there it was... the Moroccan beach. They really went all-out for it. There was a bonfire and the dance floor thing was set up on the sand with (apparently) a famous DJ there to spin for us. I looked up at the moon... and it was truly spectacular.

I couldn't help but be amazed that I had actually traveled further than the horizon I had seen countless times back on those beaches in Florida. And of course, it was AIESEC that brought me there. I'd gone to so many new places and done so many new things since my Florida years, but this felt like the capstone achievement of that part of my life. For some reason, somehow, being there on the beach at midnight at the other side of the ocean gave me some closure that I hadn't realized I had been lacking. Even now, I can't describe exactly what that closure entailed. The realization that I was beginning a new chapter in life felt surreal. There was a sense of anxiety but also a sense of calm. It was distressing to be confronted with "what-ifs" once again, but there was subtle comfort in knowing that things had worked themselves out without me even being aware of it. I was once again left with the questions of "What do I do now?" and "Where do I go from here?" But this time... it felt like a challenge.

So yeah. I didn't exactly share this magic moment with the rest of the delegation. It was kind of cheating, because in reality, it had very little to do with the general sentiment of the MENA region. But in all honesty, no one has an attention span long enough for all of that. Not during plenary... hah.

After the conference, we spent the night in Mohammedia with friends of Emily's family. Great people, true testiments to hospitality. It was a little awkward though, because I'm always left feeling guilty when my hosts treat me as well as I had been treated. Not to mention the strange hygiene products they had in their bathroom. One was apparently Chinese, but had been badly translated into English. One of the words used was "horniness". It was shampoo.

Afterwards, we took the train to Rabat and got completely screwed with the ferry to Spain. There was no way we would be able to make it to the city we needed to be at. So we ended up shelling out all this extra money in order to fly from Casablanca to Barcelona. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We spent a great day in Rabat just walking around with Rachid and some other Moroccans and a couple token Tunisians. Too much happened there for me to talk about. I bought a silver ring though! It has one of those rotating centers. Apparently Maddie got the exact same one. Great minds think alike, eh?

Crisis averted, we made it into Spain. However, it would cost us even more money and more time to get from Barcelona to Valencia. We had originally planned to spend a full day with Preston. But as it turns out, we spent that whole day in transit: Rabat to Casablanca, Casablanca to Barcelona, Barcelona to Valencia. When we finally arrived, we had a mere six hours before we had to be at the airport to return home. And to top it off, poor Emily had her backpack stolen in the Barcelona train station. Preston found us, though, and good times (and donner kabob) were had. We went to this bar where I apparently drank a few too many cocktails and made a complete fool of myself.

I realize my anecdotes are getting more and more vague and curt. Blame it on the attention span.

Let's see. What's left for me to ramble about... ah yes, that's right... nothing. Well I'm sure there's something, but therein lies the flaw with spending too much time on the most significant thing. Invariably you end up forgetting about everything else. At least that's what happens with me.

Maybe I'll be able to write more about this later.

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Breathe it in

So I got back from Morocco yesterday.

And I'm still recovering. Sooo much crap went down. Most good, some bittersweet, some downright shitty.

More on this later.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Grasses are greener

I'm less than 12 hours from being at the airport to head to Morocco... but all I can think about is not being able to in Miami for the Trance festival that Adi is going to.

Ah well. You can't have everything, right?

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

More than myself

So a lot of things have happened since I last posted. And I have good news and bad news of many, many varieties. So I'll do this in a very schizophrenic way: I'll say something good, and then something bad.

The good news is:
I'm going to have more free time outside of classes to devote to writing here, doing stuff for AIESEC, etc.
The bad news is:
I had to drop down to 9 credit hours.

I really feel bad about this. I was planning to pull this all-nighter tonight to finish all the work and reading and papers I had to do for tomorrow, plus prepare for the board of advisors meeting tomorrow which I have to do tonight because I plan on sleeping tomorrow morning and afternoon. I finished my ethics paper (thank GOD) and saw that I had seven hours to do my empirical methods paper, which I thought would be sufficient. It's only 1000 words, afterall. But then I get started on it... and I realize there's no way in holy hell that I'm going to be able to pull it off. And I don't even have an excuse for it. It was all just very bad time management. I could retreat into the explanations of having too much to do... but look at everyone else on the EB that's taking classes. Hell, look at Amy and Arcadiy and Tiffany (Ms. 21 hours... ugh). The worst part of it all is that I already had dropped a class earlier this week... my Vietnam War class. There was just way too much reading for it... over 100 pages each week. It was a really great class too.

I ended up dropping Empirical Methods too, if that wasn't obvious already. I really hope I'm not starting a trend of biting off more than I can chew. With any luck, I'll get into the groove of balancing academics and extracurriculars by the end of the semester... I've never had to do that, ever. In high school I glided through classes without doing any substancial work and just doing the bare minimum for projects, and ended up getting A's/B's and somehow managing to get my IB diploma. I hadn't participated in very many intensive outside activities either, until senior year when I sank myself into robotics as a worthless cheerleader. And then my first two years at tech were basically repeats of high school... gliding through core classes and focusing on the hard ones *cough*bullshitphysics*cough* and not giving any heed to student orgs. And then this past fall... Katie pulls me into AIESEC. That semester went well, but only because I didn't really do much of anything substancial within the organization. I was a warm body.

But this semester? Rip took off, and I felt the need to be important. This is the year that we're supposed to boom. As Tiffany said, "Last year we did all the talking. This year? It's y'alls job to do all the doing." And it's been a culture that is very good for the organization... but very bad for me in terms of what I can handle. I took up this huge role and at the same time took for granted the amount of time I'd have to invest in it. And of course, I had registered for the same number of hours that I usually take. In hindsight, I haven't even been that busy with @ in general either... like I said, it was all bad time management. Combined, all the work I had at the beginning of this semester probably would've added up to about 21 credit hours worth of work. Something like that is entirely feasible, of course, but it's not something I'm used to. I don't have the work ethic for that yet. I get things done, but I get them done at a 15 credit hour pace. And where did that leave me? Doing my AIESEC obligations and scrambling to get my academic obligations met. And now I'm down 2 classes.

But enough of that emo belly-aching. I don't regret any of it. In fact, I think it's a good thing that I've been thrust into this headfirst. It's been a great wake-up call.


More good news: I'm going to Morocco!
More bad news: I'm not going to Wales.

Pretty simple there. I'll get over the Wales thing... eventually. ;)

Good news: my Global Business Environment project group is finally coming together.
Bad news: I have no fucking idea what our product is or what it does.

This is one of the classes that I refused to drop, along with ethics. It's only taught once a year so I'd have to wait until next Spring if I wanted to take it again. I have huge expectations for how this class is going to turn out. It already feels like the culminating research paper in this class could be something to stick onto a resume in of itself, like the policy brief I wrote last semester for Foreign Policy. Hooray for being well-rounded...

Good news: RoKS is finally starting to come together.
Bad news: I need to stop bringing up things that aren't official.

I brought it up earlier this week that I thought I'd get as much as half of the conference paid for by these two foundations. Now I'm not so sure. I sent in the revised budget to both of them on Monday night, and I haven't heard back from them yet. This is after having a less than 12 hour response time on every other correspondence. I'm really dreading that email where they say they're not interested or can't help us based on what they can and cannot pay for. And I'm dreading the next LTM and next OC conference call even more. It really sucks to have to say "Sorry guys, we're not getting that money anymore..." In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have brought it up at LTM this past Sunday, but I was so certain that we'd get it at the time. Like 90%. I've been so wrapped up this week that I still haven't made the calls to Papa John's and Einstein's/Publix either like I planned for this week. I'm becoming such a failure as an OCVP Finance. But the week's not over yet... there's still time.


I need to learn the extent to which I can kick myself and have it be constructive, and at which point it becomes overly self-deprecating and just emo.

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

In the beginning...

So! For the past week, I've been going crazy like a high school senior waiting for college acceptance letters, because we're supposed to find out if we made it into the US delegation to MENA LDS this week. The registration officially closed this past Friday, and at first we were supposed to hear by Sunday. And then it was going to be Monday. And then it was supposed to be Thursday, today. And then I hear from Maddie that we won't know until the 20th or 21st. I'm trying my hardest to get angry and I can't seem to do it. Souhail, the guy running communications for this conference, must be up to his neck in logistics nightmares. He'll let us know when he lets us know. But in the meantime... flights are filling up and getting more expensive. For the sake of us 8 who are hoping to go as cheaply as possible, I hope we find out soon.

In other news, I found a fortune cookie in my store of ketchup packets and soy sauce packets that must have gotten lost in the flurry of ravenous hands. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't ever leave a fortune cookie unopened, so I cracked it in half and pulled out the thin strip of paper. Lo and behold, this is what it said:

"A bold and dashing adventure is in your future."

Coincidence?! I think not! If I were a more superstitious person I'd go ahead and book that flight right this minute... but I'm not. Still, it's exciting. Yay for false hope!

Classes have been fine. Currently, I liken them to the rind on a piece of citrus. It's the furthest from the focal point in the center, and also the thinnest and most sour. However, without it, the insides would just rot. That's kind of what my scholastic life is like right now. If my attention is directed at the center of the fruit, AIESEC would be the juicy, vulnerable flesh in the center, and my classes would be the skin holding it all together. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not. But alas, I haven't had much time to be able to think about such things. I do finance and @ stuff as it comes, and I find time to do reading for my classes. Eventually I'm going to have to find time to write my papers and do my research projects and study for tests. Good show, sir.

Off to the E.B. review.

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