Climbing up shadows

"You're crying. But you endanger nothing in yourself. It's like the idea of crying when you do it."


I'm getting a head start on my resolutions for this upcoming year.

In previous years I had always reasoned that doing such things meant you were on the losing side of the existential battle between who you were and who you thought you couldn't be. The stigma associated with these self-made promises is the inevitability of defeat. You always hear people talking about their grandiose plans to succeed each January, and then later on, the topic of conversation becomes how they managed to fail yet again. The whole thing becomes a joke.

But I've decided otherwise, this time. Like all things popular and commercialized, the true meaning of the action lies in its owner, not the fancy clothes that it wears. Those who only understand the consumerist version of the winter holidays should have no bearing on those who regard it as the epitome of reflection, charity, and humility.

The sad thing is that of all the people I know, I think I lack self-control the most. Looking back through my spotty and sharply receding long term memory, I can't seem to pinpoint any specific occurrence which may have contributed to this. But I know they exist. In my mind they're as conspicuous as that last tequila shot you downed that previous night. You might not be able to recall sucking on that final lime wedge, but you know it happened.

So what does this mean for me? I'm going to be taking this whole thing as an exercise in discipline. Before long, I will have become "the Man". I won't be able to hide behind the labels of "child" or "student" anymore, and the full weight of responsibility will be on my shoulders. A younger, more cynical version of me might have waved all of this off as trifling and overdue. But for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of urgency that always seems to precede the irrational panic of maturity. If I don't do this now, I'll be stuck here forever.

So, resolution #1: No more red meat. More greens. Also, limited salt and fat intake.

No, I'm not going on a diet. But in the spirit of health and preserving youth, this probably isn't a bad idea.